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Dana Schwartz might be brought on to help write the Amazon Lord of the Rings series

Picture via DanaSchwartz.Com
If you are like me, too busy to know who everyone is, then the headline on this article really doesn't mean much. Someone you probably never heard of might be brought on to the Amazon Lord of the Rings series. No big deal, right? Actually it could be a very big deal. You see, Dana Schwartz is not just "some person," she is, in my humble opinion, a pretty shitty person. She is the type of person that should be kept as far away from any and all geek hobbies and interests. Now, I don't want to bury the lede so let's see the evidence for the possibility that Dana could be brought on to Amazon's LOTR series.

It all stared with that Tweet by Dana which read "The She-Hulk room ended so if you happen to be a showrunner looking for a writer who makes jokes and writes books and knows a lot of historical fun facts, hit me up!!!!"

4 minutes after Dana made her Tweet Bryan Cogman asked if Dan's DM's are open. Bryan, if you are unaware, is the writer/producer of the upcoming Amazon Prime LOTR series. As Cogman was a writer on the Game of Thrones series the Amazon LOTR series was already on shaky ground, but if Bryan is reaching out to Dana to get her involved in the writing for the show then LOTR is in serious trouble. So, with everything we know about Dana's possible involvement on the upcoming LOTR show out of the way let's discuss why Dana being involved would be a disaster.

According to her website, "Dana Schwartz is a writer of books, TV, comic books, and podcasts." Sounds perfectly reasonable on the surface but as soon as we dive into her work we can see why she isn't anyone I want near things I enjoy. Dana Schwartz considers herself something of a comedian, running a "parody" Twitter account @GuyInYourMFA and releasing the "comedy" book The White Man's Guide to White Male Writers of the Western Canon. On their own these things are fine, even if I don't find her parody account or book funny I still believe it has a right to exist. Dana however, she doesn't share my beliefs.

In 2017 Dana wrote and article for GQ titled "How Milo Yiannopoulos and PewDiePie Found the Edge of the Internet." In this article, Dana lumps PewDiePie's humor with Milo's provocative actions. She openly celebrates PewDiePie getting dropped by Disney's Maker Studio and having his second season of "Scare PewDiePie" cancelled by YouTube. These actions are not punishment enough for Dana, as she laments that PewDiePie's fans will not abandon him. It must really burn her ass that he is still the biggest star on YouTube and just signed a fat contract with YouTube.

If this was a one off by Dana I could let it slide. We all say stupid shit every once in a while. Dana however, she says stupid shit a lot more often then others. Starting with the Tweet above that says "In retrospect, it seems impossible to overstate the cultural damage done by SOUTH PARK, the show that portrayed earnestness as the only sin and taught that mockery is the ultimate inoculation against all criticism" Dana attacks South Park and its fans.

After getting a reply from a random Twitter user, Dana doubled down on her attack on South Park and its fans in a Tweet that read "Matt and Trey are rich white guys and they convinced a generation of scared, vulnerable young men that irony will never hurt them." Dana received pushback on her Tweet and instead of taking the criticism like a normal adult she instead decided to play the victim and claim she was only being criticized because she is a woman. Remember, this is a person who runs a "parody" account and wrote a "comedy" book that insults white males for a "joke" but suddenly mocking people is bad because she is the one being mocked.

Like all good faux victims, Dana turned her "victimhood" into a payday when she wrote an article for the Washington Post called "I criticized ‘South Park’ for spawning a generation of trolls. And so the trolls came for me." In this article Dana doubles down on her narrative that her being mocked is such a terrible thing despite her mocking and insulting others on a daily basis with her parody account. Of course, Dana got over it really quick and went back to insulting men on Twitter.

If you can't see the Tweet embedded above, allow me to describe it. Dana quote Tweeted a picture of Oscar the Grouch and Nicole Kidman hugging, writing "Every straight relationship" as her reply to the picture. The implication of the Tweet being that women are stars and men are trash and/or ugly garbage monsters. Again, Dana is free to make whatever jokes she wants even if I don't find them funny. The issue is Dana is a "rules for thee not for me" type of SJW who will cry foul the second someone gives her the side eye for her stupid commentary.

Someone who will openly insult men, white people, and anyone who disagrees with her is the kind of person who will use LOTR to push a narrative not found in J. R. R. Tolkien's original works. She is the kind of person who will claim orcs are racist against minorities while also being racist toward white people. As of right now it is all just speculation that Dana could be getting a writing job with the Amazon LOTR show but if you care about LOTR you need to draw a line in the sand and tell Amazon "NO!"

People will tell you this is cancel culture or gatekeeping but the truth is it is neither. This is simply protecting a beloved franchise from someone who would destroy it and use it for their own agenda. This is simply letting a company know that slapping the name of a well known and well loved franchise on to something is not enough for fans to give up their time and money to that thing.

So much of what I, and you all, love has been has been ruined by these cultural parasites. Enough is enough. They will not take Lord of the Rings. They will not disgrace and distort another piece of culture to make themselves feel better about their shitty lives. There is no more sitting on the sidelines and hoping for the best. John Stuart Mill said “Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing.” Well, I am no longer looking on and doing nothing as everything I enjoy is raped in front of my eyes and I hope you won't either.